The Ray Rice Case—-Some thoughts or comments
The NFL got it wrong twice in the Ray Rice case. The punishment was too severe the first time and it is ridiculous to permanently ban him from the NFL because of the conduct I saw on the tape. From the tape that I saw, the couple appear to be verbally arguing when they enter the elevator. The wife shoves him in the chest once or twice. He appears to on reflex either slap or hit her one time. He did not beat her or hit her multiple times. She hits her head on something and is knocked out. This looks like an accident as much as anything that she is knocked out. Now he should never have hit her. He should have grabbed her arms when she shoved him. It should never have gotten this far. The NFL nor the Ravens had anything to cover up based on the tape that I saw. This was one stupid loss of control by a young man. I understand that they entered counseling and later married. To destroy a man’s life based on this tape is ridiculous. Why is Ray Rice being scape goated for all men who have abused women in the world. From the facts, this was a one time incident. We do not know if Ray had been drinking or what was going on. She shoved him and was trying to get him out of the casino. He was resisting. This got out of control. The public humiliation was probably the worse punishment that he could have experienced. Two days pay was not chump change for Ray Rice. What he did was wrong but it must be taken in context.
Ray Rice is an inner city kid. He probably grew up fighting girls. These days girls have no problems fighting boys. Ray is a small man in height. When I grew up, we girls would whip his ass daily. He would have to fight us. I would not personally fight boys outside my family. However, I knew girls who had no problem beating up little guys. Some small boys took to carrying bricks to protect themselves. I was a missionary in the New York, Pennsylvania and Ohio areas. I had a little league baseball team. I had to break up fights daily. The fights would be based on race and sex. Girls and boys fought. The girls had to prove how tough they were. Little boys had to protect themselves. Inner city boys will fight back when struck. They fight women. I remember when I was in college, I threw a picture of ice water on a boy from Chicago. He slapped me. I saw stars. I was shocked. I was used to hitting boys and never being hit back. This boy hit me back. I never recovered. I never hit a man that I did not know would not hit me back again. Women learn, you do not hit inner city boys or touch them without getting a response back. They will fight a girl. They are used to doing so.
There are women who fight men. As a lawyer I had men who did not fight women and the women would attack them and beat them up. The police would be called and the men would be punished even though they did not defend themselves. They have a right of self defense. Courts blame them and restrict their visitation because they are male. This double standard has to stop. If a woman provokes a response she can expect a response. Ray Rice should never have hit his wife. It looks like a reflex in response to her shoving him. He should have grabbed her arms instead of striking her. In my experience men and women do not know how to fight. As part of my therapy, I would teach them how to fight. I would set rules for couples who fight. Women and men can have sharp tongues. They have to establish rules which they cannot break. Ray and his girlfriend at the time had known each other since they were children. They know what buttons to push for each other. We do not have all the facts about this couple. They later entered counseling and married. No one can look outside and impose a punishment for a couple. You must know the facts. There have not been any other incidents. If this was an abusive relationship, there would have been incidents before and after this. The abuser would not be able to control himself. We do not have enough facts here to ban Ray Rice from football permanently. When people know better, they do better. Ray appears to be doing better. Give this guy and this family a change to recover. Give this guy a chance to change. I have zero tolerance for violence in my personal life but I was an abuser in my relationships more than once. When I was young, in the Ray Rice range, I would slap sparks off a boy because I knew I would not be hit back. Men these days especially inner city men will hit back. There is such a thing as fighting words. I am not excusing Ray Rice.
The problem I have with the punishment for Ray Rice is that it is overkill for the same behavior. The film that I saw was much less than what I had imagined had happened. It looked like from the facts, Ray had been drinking and gambling. The girlfriend had come and gotten him when he did not want to go. She was shoving him in the elevator. She probably felt safe doing this. He responded to the shove with a slap. It was dumb and stupid. He did not hit her twice. He appears to have lost control and was shocked that he had done so. You see the stupid look on his face as he takes her out of the elevator. The NFL imposed punishment and then changed the punishment and banned him from the NFL for the same behavior. This was not a second incident. This was a response to the TMZ report of a cover-up. This is not fair to Ray Rice and his family. Ray Rice needs to get a lawyer and sue the Ravens and the NFL.
