Slavery is coming back to haunt america—–some thoughts
Watch the movies Roots or 12 Years a Slave and remember what you see—unspeakable violence against the black man. Black people learned violence just trying to stay alive. My own grandmother never knew her parents or her birthday. “I was born in tatter digging time” was her only clue.
Slavery ended because people rose up and stated that this institution must end. There was resistance and to some extent there continues to be resistance when we see anti-discrimination law suits by people who want things to return to the former status quo. Sports changed society. Black runners winning against the Germans during Hitler’s day. Black athletes raising gloved fists during the Olympics. Mohammed Ali refusing to go to Vietnam because he did not have a beef with Vietnam. The fairness of Blacks fighting for a country and for freedoms that America did not give them. Civil Rights had a long and dangerous road in America. Many lost their lives. Because of slavery and the way they were treated, many traditions were fostered in the Black community. Black children could not misbehave in school or public. If they did, the parents would go to the school and publicly punish them in front of the class. They would also be punished at home. Education was important. Respect for each other and adults was important. The one and only time my father ever whipped me was when I was fighting with my sister and jumping up and down in the bed. I was whipped with a belt and I was struck more than ten times. The lecture was worse. My dad had to tell me how important it was to love my sister and not fight her. Worse yet, he told me that I disappointed him. Daddy was the apple of my eye. This hurt me more than anything. I never got another whipping from my dad. Daddy whipped each child one time and they never wanted to get another whipping. He did not know when to stop and he had to talk to you and get you to “understand”. My grandmother and mother whipped with switches. I hated this and I grew up determined not to do this to my children. I do not believe in physical punishment. I believe that it only teaches violence. This is what Blacks were taught in slavery.
It should not surprise anyone that some blacks still use the old slavery methods of child rearing. This was what they were taught and this is what they know. It saved their children’s lives when they faced white america in many instances. Adrian Peterson’s father sounds like my mother. His history could be repeated all over the south. With this method of child rearing, you did not have discipline problems in school with teachers being afraid for their lives and carrying guns. People did not rob and steal. No one broke into your home and stole your possessions. Black people watched out for each other. We now know that it causes child rage and a host of other issues. Is it wrong? Was slavery wrong? When we get ready to criticize, look at ourselves and what we are doing to permanently make a change.
My approach as a therapist has been not to be judgmental. I expect broken and injured birds to enter my office. I meet them with a simple message: God loves you and you are too precious to lose. Let us see if we can fix you up. If we loved one another as we love ourselves, we would be worried about Ray Rice and his wife. We would be worried about Adrian Peterson and their mental health. I hated what Incognito did in Miami but I pray for him and worry about how he is managing with the loss of football. Nobody is perfect and without flaws. When I heard of both athletes, I looked at their behaviors and thought. Not too bad, there is something to work with. They can be fixed. Ray and his wife need couple counseling and anger management. Adrian Peterson need Parenting Classes and anger management. He should never punish his children when he is angry. These are not murderers or hopeless guys. Nobody is hopeless before God. We know the cause of the problem. What do we do should be our focus. Slavery will have historical roots for generations to come in the Black family. No one who went through the Civil Rights movement should be surprised by anything. There are still pockets of people doing things the old way. Everybody needs to change.
