SEXUAL HARASSMENT: DO NOT FORGET THE MEN

We should not forget about men when we discuss sexual harassment.

I remember a case that I had in the seventies in Michigan. The young man had been sexually abused in hollywood. He told me how he had been violated on the casting couch. It had not led to good roles in television or movies. He had ultimately been cast aside and told that he was not good enough. The young man was drop dead gorgeous. He was twice as good looking as Tom Hanks or John Ritter. He was broken. I was developing my “You are enough theory” at the time. I wanted him to know that he was enough. They had tried to break him down and humiliate him rather than admit they were monsters who were abusing men and women for sex. There was nothing wrong with my client. Perhaps he did not have the talent needed but they highlighted his looks. There was nothing wrong with his looks. His looks alone were enough. He needed to accept that.  One of my professors reminded me of an incident he endured in his doctoral program at Colombia University. A professor on his committee grabbed him in the crotch. My friend broke a lamp over his head. He thought he was going to be kicked out of the program. The Dean told him that they wondered when someone was going to complain. He did not suffer the consequences that he feared.

I used to have a theory that you should do everything you can to make a change and improve a situation. Then you must release it and move ahead. Never look back too long. Try to move forward as much as possible. It does not do any good to dwell on the past.

I cited these two incidents to remind myself and others that men are also at risk. I got my son into martial arts because of men attacking boys at that time. I wanted him to be able to protect himself. Women are harassed but so are men and they should not be forgotten.