LOSING THOMAS

Thomas is a 92 year old white male from New Jersey that is the father of a former client. He was a witness in his son’s custody case. He has dementia or Alzheimer’s. He has not known who I am for a year and a half. I have been losing him slowly.

You have to know Thomas before we started losing him. He was a retired Mechanical Engineer. He did some consulting after he retired. He is still petite and handsome. He looks like he is in his seventies instead of nineties. He was sharp and witty. He loved to dance. I remember him always dancing with the grandchildren. He bragged about taking dancing lessons because as a retired male, he always had partners. He loved playing tennis. He had a mischievous smile as though he knew a secret. He was fun to be around. It has been painful for me to watch him disappear as we knew him. His body is still there but the person we knew no longer exists. He and I used to go for walks when his son was out for something. He loved to walk. He does not live in that body anymore. We have lost him. Losing him has been slow but it is now permanent. I miss him. I miss his smile, quick wit, warmth and acceptance. I am glad that my grandmother who lived to be 104 years old and my mother did not have dementia. Grandmother at 100 could still “cut a rug”.  She was funny and full of laughter. If I had my choice, I would choose going her way. I miss them both. We are losing Thomas. He remembers his son but he does not remember me. He says my name blankly but I know that he has forgotten me. It is painful to watch. I can only imagine how it is for family. Losing him reminds me of how important it is to live each day as if it is your last day.