Domestic Violence Issues Will Not Go Away

I got on a commuter train last Friday and met a victim of domestic violence.  She reports that she was shot in the face and arm and has had five operations.  She is in town to have another surgery. The facts were sketchy.  They did not explain why a person with whom she did not live would kick in her door and shoot her.  She did not say that jealousy was the motivation or give a reason. The story made no sense.  She reports that she is now frightened of relationships.  She has not given up men or relationships. We discussed my experience with domestic violence and I reported that I had never been threatened or struck by anyone with whom I had a relationship. In college, I was struck by a visitor who struck me after I threw ice water on him.  He was not a romantic or potential partner. We discussed the reason why I have not been struck or threatened.  I reported that I felt the reason was my social work training which allows me to get to know someone before I become involved with them.  Upon reflection, I think it was my father.  I never saw him strike or raise his voice at my mother and they were married for almost 5o years before his death. Moreover, my dad encouraged all of his girls to avoid abuse.  He encouraged us to get at least one degree so that we could take care of ourselves.  He told us that if we were ever threatened, we could return home. We were not to tolerate abuse of any kind. My older brother was also very protective of us in relationships. I also cannot devalue the men in my life.  I have known some wonderful men in my lifetime who respected and valued women. She and others continue to point out that domestic violence is still with us and more needs to be done before it is eradicated from the culture.