A Child’s Perspective

Sometimes we need a child’s perspective to get clarity on an issue.  Five such examples from my son some to mind.

First, I did not have a baby sitter one night and had to take my son to the office.  At the time, I was the only black therapist at Family and Children’s Services of Oakland.  I never had more than two or three black clients that ever at that agency.  So my practice was predominately white. This night, I put my son in the playpen to keep him out of trouble.  He was four and tiny for his age.  My couple was arguing and getting loud.  Suddenly,  he said, “That must be love.”  The couple looked at each other and began to laugh.  It changed the whole tenor of the session.  We made some real progress after that.

Second, I took him to mass when he was young and tried to get him used to sitting quietly in church.  He had done well until they got to the part of the Euchrist when they said “this is my body and this is my blood…”  My son got ready to leave.  I whispered that he must stay and be silent.  He said loudly,  “Someone is dead up in here.”

The third example shocked me.  My son’s father used to promise to visit and leave us sitting at the airport or other places waiting for him.  After the third time, my son slapped his hands and said,  “I do not want James anymore. Papa can be my Daddy. He later got on the phone and said, “Papa, I do not want James for a Daddy anymore, I want you.”  I asked him why he had done that and he said, “Papa and Hardy love me.  I just need them.  Papa can be my daddy now.”  I am tired of James’ foolishness. He had stopped using the term “Daddy.”

The fourth example was quite intriguing.  My son came into the house and he appeared so depressed. He stated that he did not even get to be trash can man.  I did not know what to make of this.  He was in second grade at the time and had a Jewish teacher.  He had had a Jewish teacher as a substitute teacher in first grade who taught them about Jewish traditions and holidays.  I went to the school to talk to the teacher to find out what had happened.  He was so hurt.  The teacher did not have an explanation.  I later learned that he liked to be the leader and had not been elected to anything for some type of project.  We talked about it later.  He had no recall of what I was worried about. He said, “Oh that, you know how you can have a bad day and it is not your day.  It was not my day the other day. I am fine now”

The fifth example taught me a lesson on how to handle racism.  My son had gotten a grade of a “B” with a 94.  I went to the class to talk to the teacher.  There were only three grades of 90 or better in the class.  My son was given the only “B” grade and his grade was not the lowest ninety.  The instructor told me that he had not given my son an “A” as the had done the other students because my son could do better.  I went to the principal to complain.  I was concerned about telling children that they are never good enough.  No matter what they do, they are not good enough. My son told me, “Mom, do not worry, I am going to eliminate old Bill’s discretion.  He made 110 in Trig, Chemistry, History, Biology and English were flat one hundred or “A” grades. I do not think he made a mark less than one hundred that marking period.  No teacher dared give him a “B” grade that marking period. Where I would have withdrawn and maybe stopped working, he worked harder. He taught me how to cope with racism in grading.

Sometimes, children provide a clarity that we as adults do not have and we can learn from them.